He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
