i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
