I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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