if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
