Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
