Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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