you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
