I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
