I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
