i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
