well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
