I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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