even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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