It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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