my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
