I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
