i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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