I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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