don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
