hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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