We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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