**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
