Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I smell stomach acid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
