When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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