it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
