you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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