i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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