if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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