he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
