he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
