omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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