After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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