So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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