Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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