Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
