What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
