I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
