There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
