chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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