3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
