Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
