You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
