He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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