I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
