You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
