i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
