How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
