my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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