if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
