I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
