So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
