cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
