We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
