New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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