woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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