Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
