If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
