I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
