we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
