when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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