we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize