her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
