You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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