its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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