I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
