i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
