If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
