No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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