I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
